The Victim v. Fighter Personalities In A Work Environment

In our everyday lives we tend to surround
ourselves with people that compliment our personalities and ambitions. One of my
mentors would always say, "it is easy to tell where you are going in life. Just
look at the company you keep and you will see yourself." However, in a work
environment we don't have the luxury of picking who we surround ourselves with.
If we understand the personalities of our co-workers, it can help us have a more
harmonious work experience. I would like to take a minute and talk about two
personalities that I call The Victim and the Fighter. 



The victim personality is usually someone that as a child was the
product of some type of abuse. This person may have had an alcoholic father or a
mother addicted to drugs, they may have had someone abuse them physically,
sexually or mentally. Because of the abuse suffered someone or a group of people
may have given them special treatment or attention because of the abuse. For
example, as a young boy Marcus' father would drink heavily and go into a drunken
rage and beat young Marcus. Because of this abuse Marcus' mother would allow him
to spend more time at a neighbor's house. The
neighbor would allow Marcus to stay with them knowing
about the behavior that the father was prone to, and even allow Marcus to stay
up late and have special treats. As Marcus grows he is more prone to reaching
out to be rescued by compassionate and sympathetic people. 



The problem with the victim
personality person is that, if left unchecked they could
become manipulators, causing division everywhere they go. The
victim becomes skilled at getting friends and
co-workers to believe that another friend or co-worker is mistreating them. The
victim will exaggerate encounters with whomever they pick to be their
abuser. Usually the victim is insecure about
his or her ability to do his or her job. This person will pick the person that
they feel is the most capable person or biggest threat
to their job and attempt to turn everyone at work
against that person. 



The fighter personality person is someone that
believes in tackling an issue head-on. They may at
times be viewed as aggressive, but they are usually
just trying to resolve a problem or issue. The fighter much like the victim may
or may not have been the victim of some type of abuse as a child but chose to
not allow themselves to feel helpless ever again. Unlike the victim the fighter
would have had a parent or some other authority figure that was confident and
self aware. The fighter's authority figure could have held a position of authority at work,
or have been an organizer or even a community activist. 



The fighter would have looked up to the
powerful person and chose to follow that path to protection. The fighter would
not allow the sympathy of another person to make them weak. This person would
view the childhood abuse as a stepping stone placed in their path to make them
stronger. This behavior would cause the fighter to be a chance taker and bold,
he or she would attack any problem head on in an effort to resolve the issue.
 



In a situation where there is a fighter and a
victim in the same work environment the victim will see the fighter's
personality and seize the opportunity to make this person
appear to have abused them in some fashion to all of
the sympathetic personalities in that work environment. The victim will taunt
the fighter in some fashion until the fighter lashes out. Once the fighter
lashes out, the victim will then go to all sympathizers and embellish their side
of the story to appear to need the sympathizer's protection.  



An example of this relationship would look
like the following. Marcus and John are both new hires and both viewed as
potential supervisors for various departments at their companies. Marcus would
befriend John and find out what pushes John's buttons. Marcus would then
begin to subtly do the things the he knows bothers John from time to
time at first and then more and more. John will go to Marcus on a one on one
basis and explain to Marcus that his behavior isn't appropriate. Marcus would apologize to John in the one on
one session, and then continue the same behavior that he knows bothers John again as soon as they are around
a group of co-workers. John would continue to attempt to resolve the issue with
Marcus one on one, not really putting it out to the rest of their co-workers that he is having
these problems with Marcus. 



John is unaware that Marcus is going to all of
the sympathetic co-workers and telling them that John is mistreating him and
bullying him. Marcus would continue this behavior until an event, such as a
company retreat. Marcus would then begin to escalate the bad behavior in such a
way that John will erupt on him in the presence of all of their co-workers
during this retreat. At this point Marcus acts as if he has no idea why John
went off on him in front of everyone. Marcus would then go to all of the
sympathizers and pretend that this is the way that John treats him when no one
is around. Marcus would attempt to get everyone to rally around him to protect
him from John. Marcus would deny any opportunity to bring the two of them
together in an attempt of resolve, knowing that everyone would discover what he
has actually been doing. He would tell everyone "just trust me" or "I have tried
that already, but John just got worse." 



In the victim fighter scenario, the victim has
to keep everyone from taking the time to analyze what is really going on. The
victim knows that if the co-workers ever put two and two together they would see
right through his game, so the victim must continue to appeal to the
emotionalism of the sympathizers.  The victim is an expert at understanding how to make
appeals to the sympathizers because of his or her abuse during the abusive
upbringing. The fighter will attempt to resolve the issues with the victim,
never really realizing that this only plays into the hold that the victim has on
the sympathizers. This cycle of division will continue until one of the
sympathizers realize what is really happening and opens the eyes to the other
sympathizers in the workplace. Once this happens the victim will attempt to make
a bigger audience feel as though the entire workforce is abusing him or her. If
this doesn't work the victim will typically leave that environment and go
somewhere else that he or she can be victimized.